Sunday, December 28, 2008

Do Bishops shortsheet the Pope?

So those crazy kids at the radio station are at it again. The announcement of the new train service in Phoenix has the jokers out. They start talking about this event and behind the announcer's voice we hear the Grateful Dead singing about..."Driving that train' high on .." and the rest gets garbled so the word cocaine isn't heard. I don't know if they are trying to make somebody get upset but they are always doing these things. I swear the other day the list of snow closures included Mercer Island Meshugga Academy. Later lists said Mercer Island Yeshiva Academy as it is supposed to be. A few years back I heard several times this PSA: "Hi. I am Doctor Benjamin Dover and..." an announcement to get screened for colon cancer ran. I heard this several times and passed the word to others to listen so I have witnesses. Thus we are treated to another in the long tradition of screwing with your co-workers, a world-wide phenomenon. Back in the Age of Rocks And Little Else, Thag told Ogg to go get him a left-handed pebble so he could make an arrowhead and Ogg promptly went off and told the boss that Thag was picking on him. So they killed Thag and ate him. Nowadays we don't eat the offender, we sue the pants off the richest company with a product under our workshop roof, often the advertisers in the morning paper in the coffee room. Back in the Age Before the Internet, as we called the ancient times of the Seventies, I witnessed a truly epic scene of New Boss Harassment, an excellent way to degrade guys who get promoted according to the day they got hired.The second shift started after we left, so they hadn't got out of the shop, and we had about six minutes to go before the whistle went off and we started for the The new boss in question had obviously NOT been paying attention in 'Being Authoritative' Class at Leadman school. He was haranguing these typical American workers with "You guys are ticking me off. You aren't being good workers and you're ...blah blah blah". The next thing you know he had a foam coffee cup taped on top of his hardhat and TWO cigarettes had been surreptitiously placed in the cup, so he looked like Etna or Vesuvius. The entire crowd, about fifty people, was laughing heartily at the spectacle. I and others went up as he walked around and said such hilarities to him as "You're hot tonight. You're really on fire. You're SMOKIN" To which he replied in the only way possible-by looking like a complete dipshit. After five minutes of this the whistle blew and we left. I think he is still hiding in the restroom out of embarrassment. I heard this next one and if it isn't true it deserves to be. A pair of jokers were always getting after one another, down on Harbor Island in the city of Seattle. It is a truly blue collar area, with shipyards, scrap metal operations, battery reclaiming, and such pleasant spots. The Victim was Mr X, the son of Mr X was the relayer of the tale who worked with his Dad and saw this happen and Mr Y was the perpetrator. X had planted a turkey in the trunk of Mr Y or vice versa and the trick I will soon relate was either the revenge or the impetus for the turkey stink bomb. By the way, planting large and decay-prone items is a great thing for enemies OR friends. Remember that the next time you want to get even or liven up the hunting camp. It seems that the victim was in the habit of leaning back in his chair during lunch. He propped his chair back against the wall and was on two legs of the chair when he popped open his lunchbox and instead of a couple of tuna sandwiches and an apple the contents consisted of an extremely agitated seagull which, after liberation, came out QUITE angry and remonstrated very vigorously. The victim, whose letter I forget, proceeded to levitate up the chair and wall more enthusiastically even than the seagull had, hollering all the time.True or not the picture you have just burned into your brain will last forever. Now that we have a plethora of video cameras it is up to you to pack a seagull into your boss's lunchbox soon as you can. Be sure to put it on youtube so we can all laugh at the mope.